I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
