Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
