He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
