I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
