He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
