By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
