I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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