I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
