i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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