i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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