It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
