I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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