No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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