It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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