just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
