Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
