Sry I called you an 8
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
