We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
