I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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