What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
