I think I won the penis lottery.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
