he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
