Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
