I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
