I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
