I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
