Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
