my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think my fart just growled at me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
