i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
