Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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