oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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