Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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