SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am available for nakedness
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
