there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
