I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
