drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
