ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
