What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
