I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
