I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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