Nicole vs. Life
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
