Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
