yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
