I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
