I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
