You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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