Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
