new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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