Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
