you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My ass is underappreciated
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
