my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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