You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
