from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
