I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
