I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
