super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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