Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
